Random people of unknown origins and species

Jimmy Fredrecks: Don't know this man, he grew up with himself and twelve personalities. He majored in music at the University for Multiple Personality Disorederlies. He is now his own orchestra.

Phillip Dender: I grew up with piece of horse grass, he said he'd beat me throuogh highschool, he tried and I give him credit for it, but I beat him through high school on many different occasions.

Timothy Phelps: I shot him.

Alicia Amons: She was scheduled to be hung in Texas 30 years ago, for murdering her husband and all her kids(27 of them). She said she was mad at her husband for putting her through the pain of the last pregnancy.

Morgan Jennings: She went to the same school as I did, I dated her once and she beat the crap out of me for no reason at all, she is now a professional Blind Dater.

M=MC2

James Hendricks=dead
Phillip Morris=Sniper

I have no need for division, nor for an army, I have 24 blood shot eyes, and 12 blind patients. I am a doctor in medical psycology and have my doctorate in blood chemicals.

I shot a random goose yesterday and ate the feathers and left the bones for a my good friend googly buffer.

I know many atheists that are lysdexic, they don't believe in dogs.


I hate people who shoot my head off.
I have many pety peeves and I don't give good advice.
This has been random idiotic utterances and incantations from me and myself. Now I shall call.....

Jill Duncan Can't read real good

There once was a girl, her name was Jill, most people just called her Illiterate Jill, do you know why? It was because she wasn't to read very well. Ah, scratch that, this story is going no where fast... We'll talk about the political and social aspects of the Cuban Missile crisis and how they related it to Watergate. Nope, I don't know politics, just the definition of the word, it comes from two words, Poli from the Latin which means many, and tics which are blood-sucking creatures, so you have many blood-sucking creatures. That's all I know about politics, and Watergate... and the Cuban Missile Crisis. Now, onto golf, the Medimusol Starved Jeriatrics handicap was postponed on Tuesday due to the doctors finding out that the old people hadn't had their Bengay. One reporter says "It took the doctors so long to get to the golf course that, several of the golfers in handicap died of old age, and I aged 10 years myself."
Now on to one-line insults, new never been used one-liners;
1. You're stupid,
2. You're mom goes to college,
3. Your face looks like a bowl of oatmeal just blew up,
4. You're so stupid, you sit on the t.v. and watch the couch.
That's all from the world of nobodies knowledge.

New Yorker Gecko

Once there was a man, he was a morphed, deformed, altered and all around transformed being compared to his former self. When he was a normal man he was married and had several kids of bratty origins. When they wanted something like tennis balls they'd be like "Daddy! I want a bag of tennis balls!" And the man would say "What? Did you say you wanted to go to the dentist's?" But eventually he'd let them have the tennis balls, cause he believed they needed to learn how to be quiet. One day while he was switching an argument back on his most bratty daughter, Florence, a shoulder gecko(Kind of like a shoulder angel... except different) appeared on his shoulder and said..."Hey man...don't argue it ain't nice man. Dude, try a different approach." So the man looked at the shoulder gecko and said "Do you have an appointment?" The gecko gave the man a crazed look and said "No man." The man just looked at the gecko and said "I don't allow anyone to sit on my shoulder without an appointment. Come back on Tuesday." The gecko was like "Aah Tuesday, like a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday... Tuesday, you got it man." The man said "Yes, Tuesday, come back on Tuesday... and get lost." With that the gecko disappeared and the next Tuesday was back on the man's shoulder again and the man said "Do you have an appointment?" The gecko said " Yeah man, Tuesday 2:00 PM to sit on your shoulder man." The man said "Aaah! Tuesday, I hate the Tuesdays, sit on my shoulder again... and I kill you." The gecko then got mad and bit the man on the nose, what this has to do with how the man turned into the morphed, deformed, altered and all around transformed being... I have absolutely no clue about that but I do make good egg-nog... and lemon juice... from concentrate...

Me and my exercises

I was at friends house the other day and he was showing me all his exercise equipment, he's got a rowing machine and a treadmill and a bike and one of those stair things, and I noticed that none of them went anywhere and asked him about it he said "Oh it's called a resistance work out it's better for you." So I'm not stupid, I went home and nailed my running shoes into the floor.

Scotsmen and Their Golf

Have you realized how drunk a scottsman can get, that they can wear a skirt and not care? Or how they can invent a sport like golf! "Here's my idea for a frickin' sport! You knock a ball in a gopher hole.""Oh you mean like pool?""Back off pool! Not a straight stick, with a little bent-up stick! I whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole!""Oh, you mean like croquet?""Junk croquet! I put the hole hundreds of yards away, I put junk in the way, like trees and bushes and grass, so you can lose your frickin' ball and you can go whackin' away with a frickin' tire iron! Whackin' away, and each time you miss you feel like you're gonna have a stroke! Heck! Thats what we'll call it! A stroke, cause everytime you miss you feel like you're gonna frickin' die! And at the end I'll put a little flat piece with a flag to give you some frickin' hope! But then I'll put a pool and sandpit to suck up your ball again!""Oh, and you do his one time?""Heck no! 18 frickin' times!"

Blame Canada

Times have changed, our kids are getting worse
They won't obey their parents they just want to fart and curse,
Should we blame the government? Or blame society?
Or should we blame the images on TV?
No!

Blame Canada, blame Canada
With all their beedy little eyes have packed their heads so full of lies,
Blame Canada, blame Canada,
We need to form a full assault its Canada's fault

Don't blame me for my son Stan, he saw the darn cartoon and now he's off to join the klan
And my boy Eric once had my picture on his shelf
But now when I see him he tells me to oohhh myself
Well?

Blame Canada, blame Canada,
It seems that everythings gone wrong since Canada came along,
Blame Canada, blame Canada
They're not even a real country anyway

My son could have been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true
Instead he burned up like a piggy on a barbeque,
Should we blame the matches? Should we blame the fire?
Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?
Heck no!

Blame Canada, blame Canada,
With all their hockey hollabaloo and that witch Ann Murray too!
Blame Canada, shame on Canada,
For the stuff, we must stuff the trash, we must stash the laughter,
And junk must all be undone, we must blame them the cause of the fuss
Before somebody thinks of blaming us!

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!! A man was found lying facedown outside his apartment on 5th Ave early today, it appears a man broke into his apartment and threw him out of the tenth story window, police say the suspect is still at large. The only injury the victim sustained was a broken leg. This has been today's BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

Today's tomorrow is tomorrow's today, today is yesterday's tomorrow, tomorrow is yesterday's future and yesterday is tomorrow's history.

Aha!

It was Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris let the dogs out! He roundhouse kicked the lock on the gate and accidentally destroyed the gate as well. And that is how the dogs were let out.