How about this?

Vasquez Rocks. If you haven't been there you should. I fell off like a fifty foot rock and didn't break anything. I never break anything, I guess I'm just born unbreakable but I doubt it. Then I saw a really, really, really long rattlesnake and picked it up by the tail and swung it around, and around and around till the tail fell off. It then started chasing me but was weaving back and forth back and forth and couldn't slither straight, except straight into a wall. It was fun. Brad and Rebecca should come out here more often. See what you guys miss? You need to come visit us out here and see Vasquez Rocks. After Vasquez Rocks I stole the truck and drove it around was like a crazed maniac who just got his first kill. And now I'm bored.